Monday, January 18, 2010

chapter eight: rusty deeps squats


after yoging around for the better part of the weekend, it somehow it occurred to me that i was already one day into our second week of the challenge. there were times that i'd encounter with myself, previous to the EJ:30, that i wouldn't think twice about doing a class. i cant imagine a time now where i don't want to be playing. this is recess for grown ups. or in my case, for people who should act more like a grown up. i know now that if i ever want a chance at being on tv, i'd have to become a respectable ambassador for le fitness. my vote is that i'm well on my way. i also know that i'll have to work on my deep squats even further in order to be taken seriously by any third-world government. it's time for a release plus.

along with the 50 percent of women who have a fair size bag of goods in their bras, i have never been a huge fan of the treadmill. first of all, i am unclear as to why they're called treadmills when, for the most part, they look like an upside down belt sander. obviously, "take a little jog on the belt sander" doesn't quite roll off the tongue the same way. but in all honesty, it should be 'belt' or 'spinny sidewalk'. none the less, this is where we start again today. big al's the boss. 3 minutes on, then switch to the step.

i believe it's one thing to be hesitant of the reputation of a stepclass, maybe because you have a leg that's longer than the other. but, if you're a woman and are not doing everything in your power to wild-out to a kylie minogue song while jumping up and down, then obviously you're not serious about experiencing all life has to offer. so we're taking over the world one straddle down at a time. at one point during round two after being on the treadmill, i was doing a basic step, and nearly ate the front desk. i played it off like i was trying to break it in half with my head. i think they were convinced...

so after yesterdays release and yoga, i was feeling damn confident about my posture. now don't get me wrong, i have some very serious shortcomings. i know that i have a tendency to talk in my sleep. i know that my body, specifically my legs, have trouble staying where i put them, and i also know i am pretty much useless when it comes to flexibility or anything to do with road maps. i know on both of those fronts it's best that i keep practicing. but most important, i know that i won't want anyone to ever look at me and think, what the hell is up with her deep squats?

is it possible to be the worst squatter in the world? i think i may take that prize. i seem to remember last weeks kinesis assisted deep squatting was going a lot more smoothly. today was nothing but rusty wheels. what have i done this week to change that? was it all the latenight scrabble, rum and cigarettes? kidding, so gross. especially the scrabble, i mean seriously. maybe i'll call my groin tomorrow and see if it's changed it's attitude towards letting go. i wonder why my body was acting so selfish, when i clearly used to have the upper hand? it's like me sitting at a dinner table with a sweet marble slab, and someone kicking me in the shins and stealing my icecream. er bear was trying some wd-40, but it wasn't necessarily working.

whether it's organic or forced, i'm extremely attracted to EJ:30's take-no-prisoners approach. we're grabbing the new year by the balls (please excuse the french here, but i don't think 'horns', 'ear', or 'month' are quite nearly as appropriate) and giving them a little twist. it's time to step it up, bust it out, and sweat hard. maybe even adopt a kid, depending on how expensive they are.

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