viva la diva!

this one's for the girls...

http://www.ejelements.com/blog/?p=375

obsession: the reunion

you are cordially invited to tag along...

http://www.ejelements.com/blog/?p=370

chapter thirty: (plus six)

thirty days today and gone tomorrow. welcome to a recap of one of the best impulse decisions i've made in my oh so tender twenty plus years of life.

one: never repeated an outfit once in four stylish weeks. lagerfeld is always watching, i kid you not.

two: grinded it out, and showed my calf injury who was boss with a swift high knee in the ass.

three: messy buns are indeed practical when rpm's are above 90.

four: day twenty nine has been sitting in my drafts since day twenty nine. today is day 59. blogging every day should include pay cheques.

five: day 37 was my first day off.

my name is gemma and i am a junkie!

chapter twenty nine: late slip

day twenty nine came and went. i had all the intentions in the world to finish blogging all thirty days, but in true gems fashion i had to screw it up at the last minute. well, the show must go on. even if it's 30 days late.

so here is day twenty nine... the end

chapter twenty eight: dodging bullets

this past sunday was pretty amazing for endorphin junkies. now that i'm a seasoned veteran in the art of bullet dodging, i hopped over the bridge and played matrix all afternoon with my 6 awesomely hot tickets. yes this class was all girls, lead by the famously girlicious kimbells and nix. too bad all our names didn't rhyme. i think it'd be safe to assume we'd dominate in any form of speed dating. we have been working on flexibility a lot lately.

you know any exercise that's named after an action movie is going to definitely make you seem a little more raw. it would have been more fitting for me to be wearing a leather outfit... and that's not only because we broke out the dominatrix leg straps again. flexibility and sexy scapulas have been upgraded to priority on sundays. the next step in total domination would be the sexy stilettos lap dance classes, and hair-ography. it's safe to say we're officially using our girl powers to the best of our abilities.

what's a girl gotta do to be taken seriously around here? i think it may have something to do with anything black and anything lace. throw in a bit of hip disassociation, figure eight styles, and you're in business. boys, are you interested?

chapter twenty seven: x and some milk

nothing used to get the day started better than a cup of tea, a bowl of yogurt and granola, and the ladies of the view spewing about their dirty, filthy sex lives. over the last month, i've learned another shocking piece of valuable information. there is one more ingredient that will better your daily performance. 45 minutes of x, and you're ready to tanto that. hey tanto, jump on it, jump on it.

drove my honda to the gym today, and got there in six minutes. and when i say honda i obviously mean my new running shoes. this stuff works people, i don't even have a car and i'm walking so fast, it's like i'm going to win a prize or something. maybe it's that i feel like i'm always in some sort of race. on your mark, ready set let's go. and just like that i'm off shaking my tail feather all the way over the cambie street bridge.

hold the presses everybody. after a long and exhausting search through all the spectacular ab jams we've done throughout the course of the last month. i have, most certainly, found the funnest ab workout, this side of russell simmons sequined booty shorts. (yes i did just make the word 'funnest' up. i felt with any other word selection, the gravity of the situation would be down-played) this is all you'll need to play abs: one friend and a big ball. turn up the music and you'll be laughing in no time.

there is something i feel like i should also mention, as a safety precaution. only if you're interested in remaining at the top of your game. don't do too many bicep curls, or else you might not get a date. i'm just saying. men like to have bigger biceps than you. take it from madonna, she speaks from experience.

chapter twenty six: 31 points at half

hey, this is radio station EJone. we're taking calls on the wish line, making all your wacky wishes come true.

"i wish i was a little bit taller, i wish i was a baller. i wish i had a girl that looked good, and i would call her. i wish i had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a six four impala."

ironic that i came to class today wearing my ball shorts and knee socks. maybe subconsciously i really do want to take this basketball thing more seriously. another x class tonight. i think x is slowly taking over, much like el nino.

my advice for those who are looking to improve their basketball skills, baseball skills, skiing skills, picking up groceries skills, looking crazy on the dance floor skills, or any other sort of skills that would help better your street cred would be: enroll yourself full time into endorphin junkies. i don't speak as an expert, or as anyone with any sort of authority. i only speak from my own meandering experience. i will formulate this information now:

100 + C 02 + max + rush + tall socks= 31 points at half

the proof is in the pudding. you'll be better at basketball, and your skinny jeans will look fly. don't ask questions